Before I forget the rest of the details of her birth (thanks to baby brain, which is much worse than pregnancy brain LOL), here we go!! 

I had just fallen asleep after my morphine concoction, fully expecting at least a few hours of deep sleep – which I so desperately needed and wanted.

20 minutes later, I woke up to an even stronger contraction. A) how was I AWAKE? and B) how much worse could these damn things get???

I called the nurse, and she came in and was in as much shock as I was that I was awake and in so much pain. She said she would call my midwife and get her back to the hospital asap. My idea of asap and theirs was clearly different, since it took over a half hour. My contractions were strong and very close together, and at one point I looked at Keith and said “we are NEVER doing this again”.

Karen came in around 1:45am and examined me. She told me I was 3cm and 100% effaced. She thought this was good news, I of course did not.

She pulled her stool over next to me and very gently explained that it was time to move on to Plan B. My body wanted to give birth, which is why the morphine didn’t work. But I couldn’t do it on my own. My body needed a little bit of help, and I still needed rest. I started crying because I knew what she was about to suggest.

I had spent my entire pregnancy prepping for a natural childbirth. I read every book under the sun, practiced breathing and visualization techniques, and hired a birth doula. I wanted a water birth, a drug-free birthing experience. I could feel that slipping away as she kept talking.

My midwives are very open and flexible. They only offer drug-free births at the birth center, so when she suggested augmenting my labor, I knew it was because it was what I really needed. One time when I had a cold, I called her and asked what I could take and she told me to take a hot shower, drink tea and take a nap. For her to be suggesting an epidural and pitocin, was because I needed it.

I was upset for maybe a minute. I had never made a “birth plan”. I had prepared myself that whatever happened would happen and I didn’t have any control over it and I needed to be okay with however things played out.

Keith and I agreed to an epidural (which would for sure help with the pain and let me sleep) and a pitocin drip so that my body would continue working and dilating while I rested. He told me he was proud of me for laboring on my own for so long, and reminded me that in a few hours Gracie would be in my arms. I had to focus on the end goal — meeting my sweet baby girl. I was SO ready.

It took a couple of hours to get the epi in and my IV set up and the pitocin going. I drifted in and out of consciousness, so the details of this time are very fuzzy. I do remember listening to the anesthesiologist and thinking how full of himself he seemed and how annoying he was. I clearly kept my mouth shut since he was in control at this point with a large needle! They gave me a “walking epidural” which is a dumb name since I couldn’t get out of bed, but I could feel and move my legs. I could feel a contraction coming on, but I only felt pressure in my abdomen not pain. 

At 4:45, we FINALLY fell asleep. The sleep was wonderful. I was hoping for several hours of uninterrupted sleep. Wrong again.

I woke up at 6am, feeling lots and lots of pressure. They told me I would feel this when I was close to delivering, so I called the nurse. She was doubtful that I had progressed so much in such a short amount of time given how my early labor had progressed, and since Karen was delivering another baby, she examined me instead. Her jaw practically fell open … she couldn’t believe how much progress I had made. I was a full 7cm dilated, and with a contraction I stretched to a 10. There was no denying that this baby was coming and soon!

I woke Keith up and started freaking out … we needed to call Katie, we needed to get Gracie’s bag from the car, I was thirsty and needed ice chips, and he needed to get coffee! I believe I even yelled “it’s go time! we are having this baby!” My poor husband was in such a sleepy daze, but he pulled himself together and did what I asked

By 7am, Katie had arrived and we were still waiting for the midwife to come in. Katie asked me what outfits I had packed for Gracie, so I went to pull myself up to show her the little clothes I had packed. And just at that moment, my water broke. Both Keith and Katie just stood there (haha) completely clueless as what to do! I laugh now, but at the time I was like “umm a little help here? a towel maybe??”

We called the nurse and Debbie, the new midwife who came on at 7, came running in. I was on such a high and so excited to get things going. By now, (it was 7:45) I was a full 10cm and ready to push!

Then Debbie told me there was meconium in my waters, and I lost it again. I couldn’t stop crying. I had come to terms with the labor that I had been handed, but meconium meant we couldn’t do immediate skin-to-skin and we couldn’t do delayed cord clamping. I felt like everything I had wanted was just being taken from me. Debbie called in the special care team, and two doctors came in to whisk her away as soon as she was born, and get her suctioned before handing her to me. I didn’t have time to react after that. There was nothing we could do and this baby was coming.

I started pushing at 8am, and Debbie told me that while most first time moms with epidurals push for three hours (god help me), mine was going to be much, much faster.

She was right! At 8:57, in one long push, Gracie was born.

Hearing her cry was the most amazing sound in the whole world, and I instantly burst into tears. Debbie did a two second exam, said she didn’t see any meconium and immediately placed her on my stomach. We didn’t need the special care doctors after all!

Meeting my daughter for the first time was the most amazing and indescribable feeling. I didn’t think it was possible to feel such an intense flooding of emotions at one time. Joy, relief, exhaustion, and most of all – love. I already loved this little girl with such a fierceness I had never felt before.

It was official. We were parents! I was someone’s mama! 

My recovery has been blessedly easy. Gracie is an amazing baby. She eats, sleeps, poops and hangs out together, Keith and I are figuring this whole thing out. We are getting to know her, and her us. There have been some trying moments, but we are getting through them. 

The first day we met Karen at the birth center, I was about 6 weeks pregnant. She gave us a tour, and we talked and asked questions. Something she said that day stuck with me our entire pregnancy. She said “we always strive for the most natural birth experience possible, but our goal is always, always a healthy mom and baby. How you get there, doesn’t really matter.”

She was so right. In the end, Grace’s birth was perfect. It was hers and hers alone. 

And I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. She was worth every single minute. 

*This is going to be a very LONG post, so I’m breaking it up into two parts. I want to make sure that I record every detail, every name, every minute of the labor that brought me my sweet Gracie girl. This post is as much for her as it is for me.* 

My due date was Monday, May 5. After a pretty uneventful but physically tiring weekend, I was beyond ready to not be pregnant anymore!

I booked an acupuncture session for 4pm that day. It was half massage-half acupuncture, focusing on the pressure points that are said to help move your body into labor. I was reluctant about how much this would actually work, but I figured that an hour and a half of relaxation wouldn’t be the worst thing! I left the office at 5:30 and my acupuncturist told me that in about 6 hours I should start to see some progress.

By 10:30 that night I started having contractions. Nothing too strong, or too close together but definitely noticeable. Noticeable enough that I didn’t sleep all night. Every 20-30 min a contraction would wake me up.

I woke up Tuesday morning and told Keith he better stay home that day.  My contractions were getting closer and stronger, and I figured we should be ready just in case! I called the birth center around 9:30 and they told me to come in and get checked. We got to the birth center at 11:15 and met with Lisa, one of the midwives. She checked me and much to my disappointment she told me that I was only 1cm dilated! I had been 1cm for the last two weeks! I was tired, I was frustrated and I was in pain. Lisa gave me two Ambien and told me to go home and sleep. One of two things would happen — I would sleep and the contractions would stop, OR I would sleep and while I rested my body would progress on its own. That afternoon, I slept 4 blissful hours and then got up around dinner time and we went for a walk.

Still having contractions, but enjoying our (last) walk!

I tried to go to bed early, but it was another difficult night of sleep. I woke up around 4am on Wednesday morning experiencing the worst pain I had ever felt. I literally felt like someone was ripping me from the inside out. These contractions continued every 20 minutes, and were so painful all I could do was rock back and forth, silently crying and feeling like I was dying inside. I finally woke Keith up around 7am during a particularly painful contraction and told him what was going on.

Silly me decided to send him to work. Every other time he had stayed home because we thought this was “it”, it turned out to be a false alarm. I told him I would be fine, and since he only worked 20 minutes away, he left for work. By 8am, the contractions were 13 minutes apart, by 10am they were 9 minutes apart. My friend Jen called me around this time and after hearing me having a contraction, said she was on her way over. She arrived around 11am and we went for a long walk. By 12:30, the contractions were 5-6 minutes apart. Jen told me I needed to call my midwife, but I was still hesitating, STILL in denial that this was IT! She left to go pick up her kids from school and I reluctantly called … apologizing to Reina, the midwife on call, for bothering her yet again. She heard me having a contraction and listened to me crying and working my way through it and told me to call Keith, tell him to come home and get ready to come in. She thought this was it!

Keith left work at 2pm, hit an insane amount of traffic (of course) and made it home by 2:45. We rushed around, packing up our last minute things and making phone calls. We all piled into the car (Gunner too!) at 3pm and were on our way!

My mom met us at the birth center and took Gunner, and I cried saying goodbye to him! I was a tired, emotional mess …. saying goodbye to my first baby hit me so hard! Darn pregnancy hormones!

We walked into the birth center and got set up in the birthing room. This was really happening! Reina came in and examined me, and to my disappointment (again) she told me I was between 2-3cm dilated, and 90% effaced. She told me that was good news, I was in labor and we were having our baby! I tried to stay positive, but after 36 hours of laboring, it was hard to hear I was only 2-3cm. I had to get to 10!

Working my way through a contraction with Gracie’s elephant hat as my visualization

She told us to go take a walk, keep things moving and get something to eat to keep my strength up. So at 5pm, we set off in search of food and hoping moving around would keep me progressing.

Around 7, my birth doula Katie showed up. She was awesome at calming me down through contractions, reminding me to breathe and focus. It made a really big difference in how I handled the pain. The midwives switch shifts at 7pm, so Karen took over for Reina.

Karen monitored me and noticed my contractions were now further apart. Almost 10 minutes. No! I was going backwards! She examined me at 8pm, since it had been four hours since I got checked in and monitored.

I had not made ANY progress. Even worse, she told me I was only 2cm – not close to 3! I cried and cried.

I was in SO much pain. I was SO tired. I had been in labor for almost 48 hours!!! Why was my body failing me? Why was this happening?

Karen was so nice and honest with me. She told me I had two options. One: I could go home with more ambien and try the same thing that I did on Tuesday. OR, I could transfer to the hospital across the street and get a nice concoction of morphine, ambien and some other sleep inducing drug. She thought what my body needed was some serious rest. I couldn’t continue to labor effectively as exhausted as I was.

It took me an hour to make my decision. I was tired, and frustrated and in pain. (Did I mention that part yet? lol) Finally, after another ridiculous contraction I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to get any rest if I went home. So around 10pm we packed up and moved across the street.

Our room at the hospital

Getting settled for a night’s rest!

It took a couple of hours to get settled, and to get me the shot. The whole time, my contractions were worse and stronger and I just wanted relief. At 1:30am on Thursday morning, they gave me the shot and I drifted off into a deep, blissful sleep …….

Or so I thought.

Stay tuned for Part Two!!