It’s 10:45am, and I am sitting at my dining room table. Drinking coffee I made at home, eating a bagel. Listening to the best Pandora station (dubbed “amazing country shit” by my husband) and cuddling with Gunner on my lap.
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There is barely any room for him, but he tries  |
Yes it’s a Tuesday. Yes I’m still pregnant!
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| Hanging out my first day home! |
Even though it wasn’t planned to happen this way, yesterday was my last day of work at TrashLand. Probably my last day there, ever.
The last month there has been so hard for me, in every way. Feeling my priorities shift away from being a “career” gal to an-ever-growing-desire to be home more with our baby. When I started at this company two years ago, I was promised alot of things that have yet to materialize, and according to my boss, are still very much in limbo. Then there is just the fact that my company offers absolutely zero flexibility, which is extremely difficult for anyone who works there that has a family. She asked me if I was going back, and I told her that I didn’t know. I’m grateful to have the next 12 weeks off to really think about what I want to do, but in my heart, I know I won’t be going back. I know that what we want for our family just doesn’t mesh with this job.
So, as I drove away from the office yesterday – I was bawling my eyes out. Something I totally did not expect! I thought I would feel relief and excitement, and instead I just felt guilt. And worry that I was making the wrong decision. This mommy guilt is rough, and she isn’t even here yet!
I can’t wait for her to get here so I can snuggle with her and love on her. I know that will be when it finally hits home for me what life is really all about, and all my doubts and questioning will completely disappear.
Until then, expect to see more of me around here!
